My mom has always
been a very self-sufficient, independent woman.
Truly, her spirit was the reason I went to college. I was the first generation in my family to
attend and graduate from a university.
No one encouraged me to go on after high school. It was 1960 and I was a girl from the blue
collar working class. My future
according to societal norms and my dad was to develop good clerical skills,
marry and raise children. But, my mom, a
very smart lady, had tasted the life of financial independence and knew there
were larger opportunities and would nudge me every so often to check them
out. I guess it didn't take more than a
little nudge, especially since I was at St. Agnes Academic High School for
girls and was with all these brilliant young women who were planning their
futures and their first step was college.
My mom, Margaret (never
Maggie, Peg or Peggy) moved to North Carolina when she was 75. She made the move with little help from the
family and started to create a new life almost immediately. She volunteered at
The Food Bank, took a part-time clerical position with a non-profit, became an
officer in the Cary Senior Association and became a Raleigh Ambassador, touring
the city and assisting at dozens of special events, including the Special
Olympics. She was one of the first
people to join the Cary Senior Center and instrumental in bringing line dancing
to the facility. (She always loved to
dance.)
She went from
living in a condo, to a senior apartment complex and then to an independent
senior complex with some services. Then
at 89 1/2 her body seemed to start to shut down. We did everything in our power, everything,
to make her comfortable, to make sure she maintained her dignity.
The calls for
help came more and more frequently and they were filled with more and more
panic. My heart ached. Part of me wished she would be spared the
dying process and just go to sleep and not wake up. We've had several friends
and relatives who died in their sleep.
Ann Landers once said her life goal was "to die healthy." I
want that too. I want that for my mom,
for all of us but, that's not the usual, is it?
When we took mom to the cardiologist to make sure her heart was ok, he
said "I only hope I have a heart like hers at age 89." So, I wasn't
holding much hope for her for a quick, easy death.
The decision I
was faced with after the last panic filled phone call was, “How can mom be best
cared for and who can help me decide this?" Certainly, I was so
emotionally involved I wasn't very clear-sighted. I called both her doctors, compassionate,
kind women and they did what good doctors do best, they listened and guided
me. Then, I called my family. But, I must say I had been calling my Lord,
the Blessed Mother, all our Angels and Guides for many years and especially for
these last few weeks, asking for them to pave the way, to smooth the path and
to light the dark road of my mother's care.
And, on that day of the most recent panic phone call all the forces of
nature and God came together. For any of
you that have dealt with this kind of situation, you will recognize the hand of
God.
Within the next
six hours mom was living in an assisted living facility. Her new apartment was completely decorated
and fully operational, even cable TV. My
husband had immediately come home from work.
By the time we arrived at mom's home, my daughter had spoken with the
administrators of her facility and had secured mom a place in the assisted
living facility. Her doctors came within
the hour and signed all the forms. My
son brought in lunch and my daughter-in-law took mom to another room in the
building and shared lunch with her and kept her entertained while we dismantled
her apartment and moved everything to her new space. My brother who lives in another state "just happened" to have a meeting
close by and was already on his way towards us when I called him. His wife and daughter were also on their way.
When my
daughter-in-law wheeled mom into her new home, the look on her face said it
all, even mom's drapes were
installed. She said "This is
amazing!" It was amazing. It was a
miracle! And, I fully realize I can only
see the tip of the miracle. All the
forces that had come to support us may never be revealed. My prayers, the prayers of our family and
friends had all been answered.
What if I lived
my whole life believing God, the Universe, had only miracles in store for
me? Think of the power I could rely
on. Think of the calm that would
permeate my mind, body and spirit.
Think of the joy that would fill my heart! To truly believe that God wants only my best
and it's up to me to be completely open and trusting in order to receive the
blessings. Yes, my job is to stay fully
connected to God, to allow Her to do the work She wants to do. For me, that means praying incessantly; a
deep breath, sighing the name of Jesus and opening my heart to the miracles of
life.
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