Sunday, May 10, 2015

Journeying Through Motherhood

Affirmation:  Being a mother is my greatest joy.

As we walked around the lake the geese couple were crossing the path and next to them was a gaggle of goslings.  The female goose raised her head and stared right at us daring us to come closer.  Behind us was another walker and her dog.  The mother goose didn't hesitate.  She took off charging, squawking loudly at the dog. It had come too close to her babies. 

I've been a mother for over 40 years now.  Now, I'm also the grandmother of four great people.  I'm also very non-biased.  My adult gym now offers toddler swim lessons on Saturday mornings.  I feel a deep ache as I watch the parents interact with the children.  I have an even stronger reaction when I see the fathers caring for the little ones, holding out their arms for them to jump into and holding their little hands as they lead them to and from the pool. I'm nostalgic for that time but I remember those lessons when I did them and I am just fine that now I'm simply an appreciative observer. 

One day a young mother shared with a group of us that her 15 year old teenage daughter and husband had had their first terrible blow out.  She was worried they would never have a trusting, loving relationship.  The other mothers present assured her it was all normal growing pains and if it had taken this long for them to have this type of interaction, they were probably going to be just fine, probably even better than fine. 

Many years ago the New York Times ran an article about the happiness level of parents.  The researcher reported that in general the parents of teenagers were unhappier than parents at any other stage.  I don't remember being unhappy when my children were teenagers but I do know that now that they are adults, I thoroughly enjoy their company and that of their spouses.  It's pure joy when I have the opportunity to spend time with them. I think what we spend our money on reflects on that which we consider to be important and I'd rather spend my money on events that bring us all together than on anything else.

Today when I see a young family together I want to run up to them and tell them it's a "short long journey."  I want to embrace them and shake them and make sure they know it and tell them to savor every moment of it.  Motherhood is work.  It's painful and it's challenging.  It's demanding and it's tiring.  It's frustrating and it's confusing.  As a young mother I was never around extended family.  Our first move was when my oldest was 6 weeks old.  Our second move five years later was when my middle child was 18 months old and then ten years after that, we moved when Ellen was just three.  I never had a support system.  Every time we moved, I was completely on my own.  I didn't have a clue how very hard it was but looking back I can see how hard it was.  Each time we moved, I had to create a new support system.  It was easier sometimes than others.  It was exciting to go to a new place but it was also lonely.  Our last move brought us here to North Carolina over 25 years go.  We began again.  Now, I live close to most of my family.  

My oldest girl, Melissa and her kind, loving husband, Larry and my four grandchildren live about 2 miles away.  My son, Joey and his beautiful (inside and out) wife Belen also live close and I'm blessed to still have my husband of 45 years.  My youngest and her sweet husband, Adam are in London but I'm optimistic about the future.

My years of motherhood are not over.  Once a mother, always a mother but this stage of being the mother of adult children is for me a rich blessing.  While the children were growing, I was too busy with the cares of life and daily activities to savor all the precious moments they offered me but now, I can relish each moment.  I can relax in their company.  When I was doing my Master of Social Work I decided I would ask each of them, all adults at that time, how I did as a mother.  Truly, this has been my life's work.  I wondered how they felt I did.  When I look back I remember each of their births.  I remember all the times they were sick and needed care.  I remember all those miles in the car to different sporting events or classes.  I remembered making dinner almost every night.  I remember reading stories and grabbing hugs and kisses as often as possible.  I remember helping with homework and visiting schools.  I remember helping find colleges and going to ceremonies.  I remember a home that I always hoped felt safe and secure. I welcomed their friends and eventually their spouses.  I encouraged them to follow their dreams and listened when life went a different way.  I hadn't had any training and other than my wonderful husband, I hadn't had any family around to guide me but it appeared I'd done alright.  What did they think?  I was curious and I was brave. 

Yes, it's been a "long short journey."  If I could do it again what would I change?  If I were as wise at 20, 30 or 40 as I am now, what would I do differently?  I'd not clean the house so often.  Occasionally I'd have cereal for dinner instead of taking time to cook each evening.  I'd read even more stories, hold hands even more often.  I'd sit and just listen whenever they wanted to tell me something.  I'd know this moment will soon be gone and I'd treasure it for the gift it was. 

They were kind to me when they answered my question.  That response alone was an answer in itself.  I'd done ok.  I must have done ok.  Sandy, my hubby, and I must have done well.  They're still hanging out with us.  In fact as I write this it's almost Mother's Day and the family and Sandy have gifted me with flowers, cards, a rice cooker and most importantly, time together.  Yes, I might change the way I did some things, go slower, be more mindful but I wouldn't change choosing to be a mother, especially to these three remarkable people.  I've been blessed and at least now I can go slower and relish each and every moment I get to spend with them. 

Happy Mothers Day!

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Believing in Angels

Affirmation: I choose to believe in Angles.

Do you ever think about angles? Not the LA baseball team but the ones that appear in mythology and theology. They are a part of all the major religions. Do you believe in angels? Do you think they all have wings? Are they male and female or gender neutral? Do they ever appear in their true form or do they take on human characteristics? Do you think we really have guardian angels? What if you did believe, truly believe that there was a powerful spiritual presence hovering over you, advising you, and guiding you? How would that feel? Would it make you feel calmer? Would you become more conscious of your choices?

There have been many movies made about angles. My favorite is very old. It's the black and white version of The Bishop's Wife with Cary Grant, David Niven and Loretta Young. There was the TV series that ran from 1994-2003 called Touched by an Angel and of course, Hallmark loves stories that have an angel theme. I've also read several books about angles. There are stories about people who see angles, talk to angels, and receive guidance from angels. One of the books I read many years ago offered a journaling process to help you "hear" the wisdom of the angles involved in your life. And, of course, there is the ultimate angel book, the Bible.

The whole salvation story begins with the angel Gabriel's announcement to Mary that she is to be the mother of the Messiah. They go on to announce the birth of our Savior to the shepherds and then continue to guide and protect the Holy Family throughout the beginning of the New Testament. Was that it? Did they stop visiting after that?

For many years one of my affirmations has been, "I have a very active guardian angel." I don't know when I began to truly believe that she (yes, she) was actively looking after me but looking back on my life, I completely believe that someone very powerful was helping me make decisions that were to my benefit rather than my detriment. There has always been a greater force in my life planting thoughts and ideas that led me along a path that has resulted in the life I now relish, a force that was not recognizable, not tangible. I look back and I am in awe of how I've been guided. I mean let's face it, we all have those moments when if we went left instead of right, we know without any doubt that our lives would have been much harder, maybe even shorter, had we gone in that perilous direction. I simply look back and feel blessed. I know it has been my Guardian Angel, Saranna.

I'd been talking to her, Saranna, for many years when my dear deceased friend and massage therapist, Valerie Kelly, one day announced that there was an angel in the room with us. She took a deep breath and seemed quite startled. I was not surprised. Then she asked me if I wanted to know her name. I had named my angel many years before. Someone told me it was a good idea. I had named her Anna. It seemed like a nice angel name. Valerie stopped and listened for a moment and then said, "Her name is Saranna." And so she is.

I call on her guidance quite often. I invite her to lead the way or to pave the way. Sometimes, I request that she speak with her fiends who are my loved one's angles and ask them to smooth the way or direct the way. I know if you are a realist and don't believe in the spiritual world, you probably have stopped reading by now. I know if you're a therapist without any faith in a power greater than us, you have diagnosed me as someone with a problem or at the very least an overactive imagination. I haven't heard the angels and sadly I haven't seen them, in their natural state but I know they are here. I simply know it.


My husband, Sandy, will not pass a homeless person without giving him or her money. He always tells me that they could be an angel in disguise. The weekend of April 25th, 2015 was the twenty first Angels Among Us Walk for the Preston Robert Tish Brain Tumor Center at Duke. They open the walk with the song, "Angels Among Us" and the survivors lead the way for several thousand walkers who are there to raise awareness and money for brain tumor research. This year they raised over $2,094,000. Two of the first patients treated with the new polio virus technique led the way. They are cancer free of glioblastomas, an unheard of accomplishment until the last couple of years. I didn't "see" any angles that Saturday but I am sure there were many, many of them present.

In May my friend and massage therapist invited me to be part of a chain begun in 2000. She explained to me that I would be inviting the Archangels into my home for five days and when they left I would invite three other friends to host them. Why not? I followed the directions and set up the little welcome station that had a candle, a white flower, three slips of paper with a personal request, a family request and a community request and an apple to absorb the blessings of their presence. They arrived at 10:30 PM on the date I was told and as far as I was concerned they were using my home as their base for the next five days. Were there any unusual happenings? We're there any miracles? Did I see or notice anything unusual? No, no and no but I felt difference. I had a sense of peace and comfort that was beyond my normal. Just the thought that they were blessing my home and family gave me comfort. They are "gone" now but I've decided since I've opened my home to them, I can now consider them to be close friends and when I have a pressing need, they will return.
I looked up the mythology revolving around the Archangels. It seems there are somewhere between three and seven. I don't know how many were here during their visit. I know Michael, Rafael and Gabriel were here for sure. I attend St. Michael the Archangel Church. I live off of Rafael Drive and have several people in my life named Gabriel. It's all a mystery, isn't it? I am comfortable with mystery at this time in my life. I don't have to understand everything that I believe. That's what faith is all about, believing the unbelievable. I choose to believe in angels. I choose to believe there is a higher, compassionate, wise power that wants to lead us to a better, more fulfilling life and with that belief, for me, it brings peace and comfort and hope.